Does your ex ever piss you off with something they have said or done? I’m pretty sure that everyone’s ex has the capacity to send our delicately balanced lives off the rails with a text or an email or just something said in passing. But we don’t have to let that happen!
The other day, I was having a conversation with one of the women in the Colibri Community and she was really worked up about something her ex had done. Just then, I remembered an article I had read earlier in the week, and I asked her,
First of all, it stopped her in her tracks (and I think she might have gotten a little annoyed at me for a moment). I asked again,
Besides being obnoxious and annoying, what impact does it really have?”
Long story short, it had none. But it was a meaningful moment for both of us. These two words can be so powerful.
They can slam the brakes on your anger and frustration immediately.
They can help you just accept some things in your life as they are because it’s okay.
And, they can help you focus your energy and time and attention on the things that really do matter.
Even better, these words don’t just work on exes!
Ever seethe about something written on social media? Or beat yourself up because something isn’t perfect? Having difficulty getting things done at work? Get annoyed because your kids don’t pick up their room regularly?
Personally, I started using this with my pre-teen daughter over the past week and it’s been a sanity saver! Just the other day as I was about to get on her for taking way too much ice cream (something that normally would have turned into a fight), I thought ‘So what?Does it really matter that she has an extra scoop or two tonight? She had an active day, ate a good dinner…’ so I let it go. And the result has been amazing. Fewer fights, less frustration with each other and, it’s almost like she appreciates the fact that I’m not jumping on the smaller things because, since I started, she has really been working on the things that really do matter!
Don’t get me wrong. Sometimes there is a good answer to the “so what?” question and we need to respond appropriately, but often we use up way too much of our energy and time on those things that really don’t have a major impact. And, when you’re in the divorce process or trying to rebuild your life, we need every moment we can find.
So, the next time you find yourself getting worked up over something, pause and ask yourself, “So what?” You may find that these two simple words have a powerful impact on your life!