Opening Your Mind with Yes
A friend of Colibri forwarded an article from MSN.com to us as she knows that we thrive on the words ‘courageous’, ‘resilient’ and ‘curious’, especially as it relates to raising strong kids. The article summarizes key points in The Yes Brain by Daniel J Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson, and as we read through the article, we realized that the lessons aren’t just valuable for raising kids – women going through divorce can benefit as well. Here are a few highlights that are important to remember:
Wanting to be everything
As both parents and divorced women, it’s easy to have a long list of hopes like wanting happiness for our kids and wanting them to develop into emotionally strong adults with social skills and a strong sense of self. But, these hopes can turn into very unrealistic expectations for ourselves. As we mention in a Life Lines article, there is a difference in how we see our failures (otherwise known as too high expectations) and how we see the failures of others. In short, don’t put too much on yourself or your kids. You’ll end up being much harder on yourself than you need to be!
Focusing on the right things
When you’re feeling overwhelmed with things competing for your attention, pause and take a breath. Take a few minutes throughout your day to determine if you are focusing on the most important things – whether it’s work, your divorce, your finances, or your kids. We so often get stuck spending our time and energy on those things that don’t have a large impact on our overall happiness. Make sure that are focusing on the right things be taking a few moments to breathe and assess.
When you want to say ‘No’
The article describes a ‘No Brain’ as having a more reactive approach, which can make it difficult to listen (because you’re thinking of what you’re going to say next or you’ve already made up your mind), make good decisions, or connect with loved ones. If you, like our Founder, have struggled through a custody battle before, or if you’ve dealt with a difficult divorce or conversation with your ex, you have probably experienced a ‘No Brain’. We’ve all been there, but, as the article mentions, just saying the word ‘yes’ can actually trigger us to “feel much more capable of addressing challenges in a strong, clear and flexible way.”
Saying ‘Yes!’ to the world
It’s never too late to start saying “yes” to all that the universe has to offer! Whether it’s raising strong kids or raising yourself out of a difficult situation, the “Yes Brain” approach is all about being open to all that the world has to offer, including new challenges and opportunities. Always be ready to say ‘yes’ to who you are today and who you will become, and your children will follow your lead.
For stories of women who said ‘yes’ and changed their lives after divorce, read the Women of Colibri stories on our blog.